Pattern

As I came home today fresh from church I couldn't seem to stop my mind from wandering back to the lesson in Relief Society. Patterns. Yes we talked about patterns you use to make clothes and stuff. But it really came to head when the teacher started talking about why we use a pattern... you know less mistakes... etc. (I didn't pay good attention cuz' she gave me and another lady instructions to whisper to each other during class, but we miss understood and whispered during the crucial beginning instead of during a time when the whole class was reading a hymn... whoops!) And then she started talking about patterns to be righteous and how they were both very similar. I had to share my story to the class and I feel I must share it on my blog today as well.

I'm very aware of how easy it is to break the pattern of going to church every Sunday. You want to sleep in, clean the house, not fight with the kids, etc. Whatever excuse you can think of, insert here. In fact Zoey's whole first year of life didn't include going to church because it was at 9am and I went by myself and there was no way I was going by myself with a newborn and a toddler to church by 9am. See pattern broke. But we did the next year. Pattern fixed. Then we moved back to Idaho and I knew going to church here would be difficult. You know all alone again, not knowing anyone and on my 3rd Sunday to church the kids were HORRIBLE!! I was so embarrassed. They practically screaming at each other during sacrament, hitting, crying, throwing fits.This was just 20 min into sacrament too. Everyone around me was looking at them and me and probably thinking that I would just go out to the foyer so they can listen to the talks in quiet. Well we did end up in the foyer, but the kids just escalated, so I took them home! I was in tears because it felt like the people in my ward thought less of me, Zoey was crying because she's 2? Ginger was crying because she REALLY wanted to go to primary. We just went home. I called my hubby who is not a member of the LDS church and I just started bawling and telling him that I didn't want to go to church anymore. He was a little freaked at my outburst. But in the sweetest voice he told me to not stop going to church. That it's so good for the kids and me to go and continue and try and make friends in the church. He called his LDS grandma and arranged for her come to the following Sunday with me so I wouldn't be alone. And I'm crying as I write this because my husband is SO amazing but... while I was so close to break the pattern yet again, he encouraged and gave my optimism to keep it up and it will get better. It's just so hard sometimes and you feel like you get nothing out of it some Sundays but I always feel better when I get home. Renewed, refreshed, and loved. So while it's hard to set a pattern/example and stick to it... it's so worth it!